Weight Loss and My Addictive Personality

As you know by now, I suffer from Major Depression. I’m on medication and I also see a therapist twice a month. I’m pretty sure I have the best therapist available here. She’s that good. And she works at the county hospital. We’ll call her Katy.

Anyway, today I had therapy. We talked mostly about my attempt to lose weight and also my attempt to give up Pepsi. My friend, Joy, and I worked on a meal plan and daily schedule before we went. Katy was impressed.

I have an addictive personality, I think. I don’t know if there’s a test for that, but if I like something I easily become addicted to it (especially if there is an addictive drug in it). I tried cigarettes over 30 years ago, and sadly, I’m still a heavy smoker. I am also addicted to caffeine and the taste of Pepsi.

I thought maybe I was only addicted to the bubbles. Afterall, I like 7-Up. So I got a bunch of sparkling water. I’m now giving away free sparkling water to all visitors.

No, it has to be Pepsi. No matter how much water I drink, I still crave the taste of it. Just as much as I crave a cigarette.

With cigarettes, it’s not just the nicotine. I crave relaxing with a cigarette indoors watching TV, in my favorite chair, drinking an ice cold pop. I tried smoking outside only. It worked for about a year. I just wasn’t satisfied with it though. I need the full “perfect storm” to really enjoy a cig.

I guess the good thing is that I never tried any hard drugs. I always knew, somehow, that if I ever tried anything harder than pot I’d be hooked for life. So I just said “no”.

Now I’m stuck dealing with the few (yet severely unhealthy) addictions that I have. Obviously I have no willpower. My mother didn’t either. Her struggle was always self image. She thought she was fat. She was taller than me and never this heavy.

So, I have to think of different ways to at least slow my addictions. I keep thinking that if I could just limit my pop intake to a couple of cans a day…. but then reality bites in and I drink a bunch at night or something stupid. Self sabotage. That’s what it is.

Maybe it’s not addiction at all. Maybe it’s a form of self harm. I’ve been known to do that. Hmm. Or maybe it’s just a cruel need for immediate self gratification.

Somebody write a book about it and tell me what it is!

None of my addictions pair well with weight loss. It helps me to have a tight schedule. So we did schedule four small meals per day. Two of them are more like snacks. We'll see how this goes. I'll let you know more when I do.

If you have any suggestions for weight loss for the disabled, be sure to let us know in the comment section below!