Monday, October 26, 2015

I Suffer From Major Depression

I suffer from Major Depression. There, I said it. I’ve left this blog for a while due to terrible writer’s block, which happens every time I get depressed. I also suffer from anxiety and BPD (which is not Bipolar, it’s Borderline Personality Disorder), since we’re being honest.

I have to apologize. I set up this blog to talk about things going on in my life every day. Then I proceeded to post a bunch of old articles I’d written a few years ago on Associated Content. They are decent articles, but they have nothing to do with what’s going on in my life. I have a little trouble talking about myself.

So there it is. Out there. I suffer from depression most often. I’m on medication for it. It’s working well right now. When I get depressed I focus on suicidal thoughts. They bombard my brain constantly. Then I switch medication, legally prescribed, and it usually works again for a while.

Medications are a true balancing act. Right now I’m on two for depression and one for anxiety. Seems kind of silly, but they are working (for the most part). I still have bad thoughts and bad times, but now it usually only lasts a few hours. When it’s bad it’s constant.

I’ll try to tell you a little about what it’s like when things are bad for me.

When it’s bad, nothing is good. Nothing can make things better. I’m so sad I sit and cry for hours. I can’t get up from my chair. I have a very bad back, so that makes it hurt even more. Every pain is amplified. I want to die.

Luckily I have a friend who checks on me several times a week from a service. She is always there for me, night or day, when I need her. She tells me when it’s time to take medication if I’ve stopped doing that. She is my savior when I’m there.

So I apologize right now if I’m away from this blog from time to time. I should be back for a while. I hope so, at least.

My life is actually kind of boring. You can read more about it on the About Me page.

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